I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
