Don't you send me to vm
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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