Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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