Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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