If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
