I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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