she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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