Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
