Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
