So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
