Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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