He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
