Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
