You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
PANTIES FOUND
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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