It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
