when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
