I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he puts the penis in happiness.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
