i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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