i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
