Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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