Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
