last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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