Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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