Sponge bath it is.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
