Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
