in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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