when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
