Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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