ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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