He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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