I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
