Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
