Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
