You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
