you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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