i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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