just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Panties = found
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
