do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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