We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
