I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
