I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
