Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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