You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize