In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
