I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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