I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.