WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.