I can tuck mytits in my pants
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.