At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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