we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.