i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
