I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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