Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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