You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
