He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
