I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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