At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
