2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
