I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
