Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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